An Errant Sputnik

Transition is messy.

It is a tether between two points in space and time, folding in on itself to reveal the contradiction of continuity – how two can be one, and one can be two.

I can never claim to have always held a clear knowing of myself. A blessing and a curse, to have hidden your heart deep enough from the world and yourself that you could keep your most precious seed safe until it was ready to grow. So many young people today have the language and the courage to define their existence, which is all any transgender person wants for the generations to come.

But to know yourself this way is to wear a leaking spacesuit on a hostile world. The veil between you and the choking atmosphere is so, so palpable once you’re aware of what has been created to protect you, to contain you, and to allow you mobility. You know the time the suit can provide you with safety is limited, and you desperately want to be anywhere that will let you breathe the way you were born to.

To escape the vacuum of space is a desperate quest we all must undertake. You will need to ration your breaths. Put one foot in front of the other. Do not panic. This is part of the process. You just have to keep moving.

Knowing you’re in a suit doesn’t mean you will have to leave it behind. You just have to maintain it in a way that works for the environment you’re in at the moment. Expect that you will change your environment many times over your life, and be prepared to adapt to worlds with conditions you’ve never dreamed of. This universe is boundless, and you must look to the multitudes within you and draw power from the knowing that you are alive, and your journey is important, even if it is only important to you.

Your mission won’t make sense for a long time. Don’t let the ‘why’ distract you. Don’t lose yourself in the grand vastness of eternity, pondering whether or not each tiny step forward matters. You will forget how many steps you took once you make it home.

Home is wherever the suit can come off. It is the ecological haven our universe made for you, and when you find it, you will always know how to return there. Your heart is a bird, and you must trust in its sense to find where it must roost each season, and let it fly.