An Errant Sputnik

when you died, i learned that heaven was in my heart
i learned what you meant when you said you saw your parents in the butterflies
when they tangled in your big hair
i learned to go where the love is, because it reminds me of you, and you were always safe
(to me,
not universally)

you never told me you pulled a gun on my dad
you never told me stories about grandpa
or your mother
but you told me about yourself
and I might have been the only one to hear the honest truth
about you
about me
about us

can you believe that my cousins thought I was your kid
because i lived with you so often?
they thought my mom was my sister
and their dad was my brother
it’s taken me a long time to see why they thought that
but when you died,
i learned how much you meant to me